IceCube - Hot and Cold
by very-very-very-small-balls
Summary: A not-so-impressive satirical short story of a crackship between APH Iceland and Cuba. This is complete nonsense. Absolutely no seriousness here. ;) (Cuba's age was changed so it's not as weird.) An abundance of meaningless dialogue and barely any action or description take place. The embodiment of every disease beginning with the letter 'H'.
1. Alone

He stood, his back turned to the radiating warmth of the heater. The growing fever of the room varying between the temperatures of the surrounding atmosphere and the coolness of his own. He took in a slow breath of air. He could begin to feel the hotness of the fire advance throughout his clothes. Emil shifted, now circling to face the center of heat itself like a rotisserie chicken.

Thoughts scattered throughout the connection of Emil's mind. His own loneliness leaving him with a heavy emptiness in his chest. He shifted again.

Muttering beneath the sighs of his heartache he announced to the silence that would listen,"I wish I had someone to keep the sadness away..."

Minutes lingered by without the fulfillment of Emil's longing. The time of unwanted sleep arrived upon his eyes as he laid against the cushions of the sofa to restlessly dream. The desolation inside him becoming temporarily subdued by the affectionate incandescence of the den and the thoughtless feeling of sleep.

Morning shortly arose. A sweet light shone through the curtains, leaving lacy patterns across the floorboards that flickered against the fabric's motion. Emil opened his eyes, momentarily blinking them awake. With a sluggish attempt he sat upright and stretched. He then stood after some time in a lagging step, still under the initial daze of sleep.

Emil made his way to the bathroom at a hindered pace. Clumsily, he pushed the door agape to stumble inside. He switched on the light and shut the door behind him. Emil, loitering around, stood in front of the sink, staring at his reflection. He lifted a hand and patted his unkempt hair to smooth it down. He leaned forward and squinted before rubbing the sleep away from his eyes. He blinked.

After Emil had finished taking in the sight of himself he turned to face the throne of this room. There, snugly rested inside the bowl, seemingly lay a well cooked rotisserie chicken. He reached over and flushed it down. The toilet is now clogged.

Emil sighed,"Yeah, I know that feeling too."

He held up a roll of toilet paper and unraveled it over the distasteful scene. Quickly bending over, he gave the chicken a solemn kiss before it was engulfed in a pool of overflowing water.

"Sleep now."

Emil placed his hand over his heart, standing in silence over the unmerciful consumption of poultry by a porcelain throne. He turned, opened the door, turned off the lights, closed the door, and left. Water seeps through the gap of the door.


	2. Sudden Infatuation

"Hey, Emil!" The excitable tone of his brother called out.

Emil shuffled beside the entrance of the kitchen,"Good morning…"

A body of voices replied with their own "good morning."

He gave a slight wave before walking over to the dining table. He pulled out his chair and sat down. Leaning on his arm, he blankly stared at the counter, lost in thought.

"So, Emil, how did you sleep last night?"

He looked up,"Oh, I slept alright," He nodded in confirmation of the statement,"Thanks, Tino."

Tino smiled, although not entirely convinced,"Well, I'm glad to hear that!" He set a plate of pancakes and silverware in front of Emil.

As Emil began to eat, another voice struck up conversation of the night before,"Haha! Are you sure you did?" Matthias pointed to Emil,"You look terrible!"

Before Emil could respond Lukas chimed in,"I'm sure he's fine, just leave him alone."

"Hey, I'm just saying," Matthias shrugged,"It's not like he looks his best right now. You should really get more sleep, Emil."

"I already said I'm okay!" Emil retorted.

"Geez, alright."

The rest of the morning continued with ongoing chatter around the table as they caught up on recent news and stories. After breakfast, Tino graciously took up everyone's plates and utensils.

As Emil walked out a hand on his shoulder took him by surprise,"Hey."

He turned to looked up at Berwald,"Oh, hey."

"...Try to take better care of yourself." He spoke, expressing his concern.

Emil solely nodded,"Yeah, I'll try…"

Berwald responded with a soft spoken 'hm' before letting him go.

Emil strolled to the bathroom at a brisk pace, but there was no more "bathroom" once he had stopped by the door. The flood of water from the toilet had seeped into the flooring, creating a discolored stain. He stepped across the puddle, opened the door, and turned on the light to gaze at the now placid stretch of water across the ground. Pieces of rinsed off chicken stuck in certain places.

He ran from the bathroom briefly to find his boots and put them on. He raced back. Emil waded across the still water and paused by the sink. He took out his toothbrush from the holder and began to brush his teeth. Once he was done with oral hygiene, he took up his hair brush and combed down his bedhead. Despite the grooming, a few waves of hair remained out of place.

Shaking the water from his boots, he exited the bathroom, politely turning off the light as he left. Emil returned to his room to change from his sleep wear and clothe himself in new attire.

The burden of loneliness still weighing on his mind, he headed to the front door, planning on going out for a walk.

With a hand on the door knob, Emil exclaimed to the household,"I'm going out! I'll be back in a while!"

Silence.

Suddenly, an emphatic,"A'ight!" acknowledged.

Emil twisted the handle and stepped outside, getting into his coat and scarf as he did. Taking his bike, he kicked up its stand before rolling it a distance and clambering on. While cycling down the road, Emil ceased his pedalling every so often to coast along the tranquil path. A mild gust of wind occasionally whipped at his clothes and hair. He would turn his head to wordlessly admire the hushed scenery blanketed under crisp weather. A chill blue sky lay overhead, clad in patches of pastel whites and grays.

Eventually, Emil had made his way to the outskirts of town. He continued to bike past quaint buildings of warm color and the different faces of distinctive people. He began to slow his pedalling, preparing on coming to a halt. His hand gripped the brake and brought the bike to a stop. Hopping off, he cycled his ride to the bike rack and locked it.

Emil now stared across the harbor, breathing in the brisk air that settled across the water. He exhaled, the warmth of his breath condensing into the wisps of a fog. A spray of mist showered him as the growing wind created waves against the shore.

He walked along. From the corner of his eye, Emil noticed a stranger pacing across the wharf. Despite all the various faces around the foreigner, they appeared to stick out from the rest. Emil couldn't help but awkwardly stare.

"How the heck did I even get here?" They asked aloud to no one in particular.

The spoken words of the stranger had planted themselves in Emil's thoughts. Already, he was beginning to feel a lightness in his chest. A pleasant warmth seemingly washed over him.


	3. Invitation

Captivated by the sight of unfamiliarity, Emil's body remained glued to its place, allowing only his eyes to follow. Emil held up a hand and placed it over his chest, feeling the increasingly erratic beating of his heart.

"Oh, crap…" Emil whispered to himself, a heat rushing to his face. "...This is kind of weird, isn't it…?"

He couldn't care. There was no abandoning these sudden affections. His eyes flitted from place to place, afraid they might catch him staring. That would be more awkward than this already was. He managed to pull himself away, if only for a moment, to avoid the unpleasant artlessness of being caught admiring a total stranger.

He glanced back, the sight of them causing Emil to shiver out of his control. He strategically placed his hands over his mouth, feigning cold.

"Oh, God, what am I doing?" He asked himself once more, eyeing the confused stranger in his peripheral vision. "Just, relax or something."

Emil breathed in slowly and sighed, attempting to ease the jovial nervousness that overtook his senses. He watched his breath form in the cold air and counted.

"Uh, hey there, could you please tell me where I am?"

The voice had caught Emil off guard,"What?" Seeing the very foreigner before him made him flinch. Impressive, how they appeared to be in the same age range as him. What a score.

"Kind of weird, but you see I have no idea how I got here, honestly. Maybe if you could tell me where I am or give me directions…? Sorry to bother, by the way." They spoke with a heavy Cuban accent.

Their words went through one ear and out the other as Emil tried to control himself in the face of his unexpected interest,"Uhm, I, you. Hi, I'm Emil." He choked on his own tongue.

"Ah, okay, Emil… I'm Carlos. Could you please tell me where I am? I really don't mean to annoy you or anything." Carlos continued to request through chattering teeth, arms wrapped around himself.

"Iceland! You're in Iceland!" Emil half yelled with a strained voice. "You can come to my place to stay!" He paused, shaking,"I mean, if you want too."

"So, I'm somehow in Iceland..? How the heck... Also, thanks for your hospitality, but I'm sure I could find maybe a hostel at least to stay for now."

"No, really! It's alright with me." Emil pressured, albeit he worried he sounded kind of desperate.

"Well, if you're sure, I guess. Sounds nice." Carlos finally agreed, laughing a bit. He gave Emil a pat on the back,"So, where is your place?"

Emil walked ahead, motioning for Carlos to follow. He came up to the bike rack and unlocked his bike from it. Carlos came up shortly behind.

"I, uh, only have one bike. But you can ride mine or rent one for now."

Carlos studied the bike,"Wow, I didn't know a person's whole house could be a bicycle."

"What? Oh, ha. Hahahaha." Emil anxiously laughed.

Carlos laughed at his own joke as Emil stood hopelessly for a few moments.

"Ah ha…You know, you can ride it, I can walk or something." Emil said, pushing the bike over to Carlos.

"Really? That isn't fair for you, though."

"Yeah, really. It's okay, I'll be fine."

"Alright, sure, I'll try it."

The two started their way out of town, Carlos on a bike, thinking of how weirdly hospitable the boy was but glad, and Emil on foot, questioning his individual motive and reasoning. Every now and then, Carlos would speed ahead of Emil, leaving him some meters behind. Emil would jog back up to him, keeping the pace.

"It's pretty dang cold here, isn't it?" Carlos stated.

Emil nodded,"Yeah, pretty much."

"I think I'm starting to get hypothermia."

A few minutes passed by in silence between them. The day sky gradually faded into a deeper blue. On the horizon, a house took shape before the two.

"There it is, that's my place." Emil told.

"Thank God."

Arriving at the door of his home, Emil took the bike, kicked out the stand, and stood it beside the house, in a hurry to get Carlos inside. Grasping the handle, he twisted it and pushed in the door for it to swing inside from the momentum. Emil nudged Carlos inside, partly from adrenaline rush of his sudden love about him and because he couldn't have a person freeze to death on his doorstep.

As Emil walked in behind Carlos he was welcomed home with blank stares from Matthias and Lukas who happened to have a direct view of them coming in from the living room.

"Sorry to break it to you, Emil, but Berwald and Tino already went out to get groceries." Matthias jokingly remarked. "Thanks anyway."

"Emil," Lukas calmly inquired,"Who is this?"

"This is...Carlos?" Emil replied, now unsure of his decision to bring them home.

Everyone, including Emil himself, was now looking at Carlos.

"Uh, hey. Emil invited me over, but I'll leave if it's not okay with you all." Carlos offered, feeling rather awkward.

"No, it's alright," Lukas responded, all the while looking fixedly on Emil. He gestured for Carlos to sit with them.

"So, Carlos, where are you from? What's your business with my little girl?" Matthias questioned, attempting more pointless dialogue. Emil merely took his seat with them, ignoring the Dane's joking.

Carlos smiled tensely,"I have no clue. One moment I'm with my friend, Matthew, and all of a sudden I'm apparently in Iceland!" He then straightened his posture,"You know, I bet that wasn't Matthew at all! It was probably that Alfred guy just messing with me again! Ugh, I really hate him sometimes. He's always so loud and annoying, but this is really overkill for him. Tch, pathetic."

The rest of them watched and listened to Carlos complain about Alfred for a good five minutes. Several gestures were made and many comparisons were said. He skipped around in his complaints but always made them somehow circle back to each other for it to become a never ending loop of malcontent. When it seemed to be over, he had another reason for why the guy was a pain in the neck.

All the while, Emil had been listening intently. Focusing on every word, he was growing further into his infatuation for Carlos. How passionately he spoke of his hatred for another only deepened Emil's yearning. He reclined on his arm and leaned forward.

Everything was quiet for an uncomfortable number of seconds subsequent to the ranting.

After the heat had officially died down Matthias added,"Anyway, you know where he could sleep?"

"...Here would be fine," Lukas suggested, glancing at their guest for acceptance,"Yes?"

Carlos nodded,"Yeah, here is-" He was cut short.

"Then l-let me get your things!" Emil interfered, hurrying to his room. Practically tearing the blanket off his bed and gathering as many pillows he could hold, he ran back.

"You're very neighborly today, Emil!" Matthias affirmed.

Emil ignored him, only motioning for everyone to get up from the couch. As he set up Carlos' temporary bed, Berwald and Tino walked in, hauling in bags of produce.

"Oh! We have a visitor…!" remarked Tino, briefly touring to the kitchen to place his share of groceries on the table.

Staring for a split moment, but utterly disregarding the situation, Berwald followed.


	4. Romantic Advice

Coming back from the previous room, Tino nervously inquired,"Is it okay for me to ask who you are?" He pointed to himself,"I'm Tino." Seeing his companion coming back from the kitchen he waved over to him,"Ah, and that's Berwald."

Perceiving Carlos' initial discomfort at the sight of Berwald, Tino noted,"He may look scary, but he's actually a nice guy, really!"

Berwald nodded.

Emil was growing tired of all the introductions, perilously wanting to talk with Carlos himself. He clasped his hands together and twiddled his thumbs. The rest conversed with the stranger as Emil thought of what he would even say. Would Carlos sympathize with the abnormal dreams of his lusting after such a person? Would he become distressed and disgusted, demanding an immediate flight home? Did he just kidnap someone, subconsciously planning to keep them here for who knows how long until his emotions were satisfied? Emil did not know the answers to any of his unnerved thinking.

Deciding to admit the admiration of a kid he just met, he planned out various scenarios in his mind. Gazing at Carlos, he wondered if he could possibly anticipate the actions of someone with such strong emotions. Carlos noticed him staring and uncomfortably waved, put off by the intense watching. After being brought back to reality, Emil shifted his position, this time trying not to make eye contact.

Time passed and the rest of his family had then dispersed, leaving to do their own thing for the sake of the plot. Emil checked the time. It was 7:11 PM exactly.

"How long did they even talk for?" Emil mentally inquired. He viewed Carlos once more, considering what to say. Getting up from his seat, he strolled over to Carlos and rested again alongside him. He could feel himself beginning to shudder and his heartbeat quicken as it did the first time Carlos had caught his attention just a few hours prior. He went stupid over his affections, tastelessly staring at him with a devotion, internally screaming.

Initially flustered, Carlos met Emil's observing. He was becoming increasingly disturbed by their constant staring until he noticed he felt something for them as well. Keeping his hands on his thighs, he could sense them becoming awkwardly sweaty. His breathing became heavier and more frequent.

"What?" Carlos thought to himself as he continued to wonder at Emil,"Why do I feel like this?"

"Hey, um…," Emil started, breaking the silence,"This is crazy, considering we've only met for a few hours, but I, kind of, like…" He paused.

"..."

At a complete loss of words Emil felt the longing to disappear out of existence. He tried to speak, but the words would not come forth. He held his tongue.

"Nevermind."

Carlos let out a sigh as he let go of his breath,"Oh, okay." He restlessly chuckled as he pat Emil,"What now?"

Emil stood up,"Wait here for a while, okay? I have to do something real quick."

He walked away at a rushed gait. Turning corners in the house, he came up to a bedroom door and pushed it open.

"Matthias I-"

"Holy frick, Emil! Learn to knock or something!" His brother exclaimed, stepping in front of the bedroom TV.

Emil stayed quiet for a long enough time for an awkward silence to build between them."What are you watching?"

"Big boy television." Matthias shrugged, moving aside to expose a paused episode of Kitchen Nightmares.

"Don't joke around this time, Matthias, this is serious."

"Ah, alright. Sure, what's eating on you?"

Emil shuffled over,"Do you know anyone who's good with advice?"

Matthias looked to the side, pretending to think,"Uh, yeah, actually. Me."

"Someone else."

"Rude? Fine, if it's someone else you want I'll ask them right now." He strolled over to his original seat and picked up his phone,"One minute, thanks."

Emil waited impatiently.

"Do you have any advice to give for my beloved brother,Email?" Matthias read aloud as he typed,"Oh, wait, your name is Emil, right? It autocorrected to 'email.'"

"..."

"Okay, he's replying."

"..."

"Wow, it's taking a while. Must be a whole paragraph."

"..."

Matthias unpaused Kitchen Nightmares. The sound of the ongoing TV the only noise. Pause.

"Okay, there it is. 'What with?' it says." He looked at Emil,"So, what with?"

Emil looked at his feet, embarrassed,"Love,maybe…?" He said soft spoken.

His eyes widened,"Haha, are you serious? Oh my God, nice." He laughed to himself as he wrote out his reply,"With who?"

"I'm not telling you!"

"Yeah, okay, I'll just find out myself then." He placed a hand to the side of his face, staring longfully at nothing for dramatic effect,"My little brother has feelings!"

"Shut up…"

"Low and behold, Emil. The reply has been received."

"What, what does it say?"

"It says… 'haha ur gay.'"

"Does it really?" Emil partly yelled,"I told you to be serious this time!"

"I am serious! That's what it says!"

"Let me see!" Emil marched over, upset and ashamed. He took the phone from Matthias' hands and stared at the text. 'Haha ur gay' it read. No punctuation. No grammar.

After reading the contact name "Slim Tim" Emil outwardly inquired,"Tim? You asked that Dutch guy to give me advice?"

"Yeah? Wasn't there a book written about that place. You know, the one where the guy dies at the end. Very romantic."

"At least ask someone relevant to the subject!"

"He is relevant! He's entirely relevant!" Matthias took back his phone and sarcastically rolled his eyes,"Gosh, don't you read the wikipedia pages? Whatever, if you don't want the Dutch guy I'll ask the French one instead."

"Francis?"

"No, no, the other one."

"..."

"Ha! I'm messing with you! Who else? Duh." He joked once more, creating filler dialogue.

Emil stood in his place, unsure of what to do this far into what he started. Endless silence seemed to fill the room. The TV the only light.

"It's your lucky day, Emil. Some actual advice." He remarked with a grin and handed Emil the phone.

"Are you kidding me? He said the same thing Tim did!"

"Maybe it's some sort of code, little bro."

"Whatever," Emil groaned, giving up the cellular device,"I'll handle this myself."

Shamefully walking away and closing the door behind him, he could hear Matthias call after him,"Don't do anything I wouldn't do!"

The episode of Kitchen Nightmares ensued.


	5. Want to Dance?

Carlos speechlessly sat from his position on the couch while waiting for Emil to come back. He examined the room, looking at the decor and arrangement of furniture.

As he waited, he couldn't help but think,"I have no idea what to do. This is awkward." He rhythmically tapped his foot,"I wonder if Emil's coming back as soon as he said he would..."

He stared at the floor and grasped the sheets laid out beneath him. Just the sudden mention of Emil had him occupying his thoughts. Carlos smiled. Oh gosh. Was that just a smile? That was a smile.

Carlos shook his head," No, no. I'm not gonna behave or feel like this." He muttered to himself as he attempted to push any thoughts of Emil to the back of his mind. "Yeah. He's just some guy I've known for not even a day. Yeah. He's no big deal. I don't really feel anything." He continued to tell himself, although it wasn't true.

He pressed his hands against his face all the while murmuring something incoherent. He rolled his head from side to side. The emotional agony was too much. Just then Emil came shuffling awkwardly back to his seat. Carlos slightly gasped as he pretended all was normal.

"Mh… So, uh…," Emil checked the time. 7:33 PM. Guess getting advice took longer than originally thought. "Sorry, I don't mean to bother you. You're probably tired, right?" He watched for Carlos' response, feeling upset for wasting both of their time this evening. If only he could actually start a normal conversation with him.

"Oh, nah, it's alright." Carlos waved a hand,"It's not too late." In honesty, he was growing tired but he felt the need to remain awake with Emil. He stifled a yawn.

Both sat there in a silent companionship for a minute or so, listening to the outside world, footsteps, and occasional chatter amongst the house. Suddenly feeling self-conscious in the stillness, Emil tried to quiet his breathing. He tried to appear calm. Collected. Relaxed.

Emil opened his mouth to speak but found himself needing to clear his throat. He muffled a cough through his nervousness."Hey, w-why don't we try to get to know each other better?" What an awkward stutter. "You know, since you're staying and all… If you want to."

Carlos nodded with a smile,"Sure. Hm, what do you even do around here?"

"It kind of depends on what everyone else is doing. Sometimes I stay in or go out by myself, then again sometimes we all go out together." Emil couldn't help but feel embarrassed by how plain he sounded."Well, what do you normally do?"

"Most of the time I would be about my town. The weather is always so warm and pleasant back home. Other than that, I'd usually hang around my house relaxing." Carlos stretched out his arms and lolled his head back against the frame of the couch, as if just talking about it made him feel at home.

"I guess it's pretty different over there." Emil stated, imagining what it would feel like to stroll along the streets of Carlos' home country. He shrugged off the thought.

Carlos looked at Emil with bright eyes,"I also enjoy dancing, it's pretty fun! Do you dance?"

"Oh! Ah, no." Emil looked down at his lap, embarrassed. He had enjoyed the thought of dancing to a degree, yet it was too awkward to act out in real time. Sensing he should justify his take on dancing he continued,"I don't think I'd be really good at it if I tried."

Carlos motioned a hand, seemingly an attempt to wave the negativity away,"That's nonsense. You don't have to be _good_ to dance." He laughed,"I dance because I like to not because I'm good. I'm sure you'd be fine if you tried."

Emil remained quiet and simply nodded with a faint smile as he took in Carlos' words. He felt stupidly insecure.

"We can dance together later if that sounds good? You could really use the exercise." Carlos teased, playfully hitting at Emil's arm.

Flustered at the sudden offer to dance, Emil couldn't find the right words to say. "I, uh. That's." He breathed in. "Sure, I guess." He breathed out. Emil really didn't want to dance, especially in front of Carlos, but he couldn't manage to say no. He would simply have to go along with it, no matter how uncomfortable it would be.

"That's the spirit!"


End file.
